October 6, 2022

Fantasy Billboard: Conference championship edition of Giddy Up and Whoa Down

Ja’Marr Chase could have a field day against a thin Chiefs secondary. (Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

Riddle me this: Does Spiderman have a web-site? Is Aquaman’s favorite team the Dolphins? Does Superman use kryptocurrency? We might not have the answers to these conundrums, but we will try to answer your Fantasy questions for the Conference Championship games. With such a super response from last week’s column, we are continuing our heroic theme as we rank the Fantastic Four plays at each position. If you can’t decide who to start, you can always flip a coin. Hey, it worked for the Chiefs! Sorry Bills fans!

QUARTERBACKS

1. Patrick Mahomes (Superman) – Faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive, there’s no denying Patrick’s superpowers. He proved he’s from another world last week. Cincy will need kryptonite to defeat him in KC.

2. Joe Burrow (Shazam)  A magical bolt of lightning gives powers to Captain Marvel, which is fitting because I think Cincy fans are shocked to get this far. Joe had 440 yards and four TDs last time vs KC. Win or lose, he’ll put up the points. Shazam!

3. Matt Stafford (Iron Man)  Stafford has only missed eight games since 2010. That’s a true iron man. But his flimsy 1-5 career record against the Niners could drive Ram fans Stark raving mad. Don’t expect a 360-yard game like last week’s effort over the Bucs.

4. Jimmy Garoppolo (Robin) When you look at the class of QBs in the playoffs, Jimmy is certainly the sidekick in the bunch.His 20 TD passes for the year pale in comparison to Stafford (41), Mahomes (37), and Burrow (34). Holy second fiddle!

RUNNING BACKS

1. Elijah Mitchell, RB, (Deadpool) –Don’t ever count Deadpool out. With his powers, he can never die. Mitchell has come back to life numerous times this season. Don’t count him out either. He had over 80 yards in both contests against the Rams this year. Deadpool’s catchphrase is “maximum effort”. That fits Mitchell to a T.

2. Cam Akers (The Shadow) – No one ever sees the Shadow, as he lurks in the penumbra fighting injustice. We haven’t seen much of Cam all year, yet here he is leading the LA rushing attack. In his lone full game against the Niners he averaged almost 10 yards per carry and a TD. He could have it made in the shade.

3. Joe Mixon (Wolverine) – The savage Wolverine has self-healing powers. Apparently Mixon does too as he managed to stay healthy for every game this year. He is very TD dependent, averaging a timid 3.8 yards per carry his last six games. But he does have a chance to be ferocious.

4. Jerick McKinnon (Black Panther)  The unsung McKinnon has become king of the KC backfield. With cat-like reflexes and 4.3 speed, he had a solid 78 total yards on 15 touches against Buffalo.

RECEIVERS

1. Ja’Marr Chase (Human Torch) -The way he’s scorching secondaries the Chiefs better have a fire extinguisher handy. Flame on!

2. Cooper Kupp (Mr. Fantastic) – 67 catches, 954 yards, and 8 TDs in his last eight games. When Kupp stretches the field, “fantastic” is an understatement. I’d put him above Chase if the KC defense wasn’t so horrendous.

3. Tyreek Hill (Red Tornado) – Buffalo defenders looked like a trailer park after a tornado as Hill twisted his way to a 64-yard touchdown. I’m always blown away by his talent.

4. Deebo Samuel (The Flash) –The scarlet speedster is so fast, he makes fast people look not fast. In his previous three games vs the Rams, Deebo has 334 total yards and 4 TDs. Zoom zoom!

5. Odell Beckham, Jr. (Loki) – I must keep OBJ on the list. The trickster was at it again last week. He was excellent in the Rams’ big upset in Tampa, but not so much for Fantasy purposes.

TIGHT ENDS

1. Travis Kelce (Mister Miracle) –The world’s greatest escape artist is Mister Miracle. How Kelce escaped coverage in the last 13 seconds of regulation and again in OT against the Bills was certainly miraculous.

2. George Kittle (Conan the Barbarian) –George is known as Kittle the Barbarian in San Francisco. His mantra is, “Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their people.” You’ve been warned, LA.

3. Tyler Higbee (Buzz Lightyear) –Higbee has three TDs this season against the 49ers. Even though Aquaman Josiah Deguara sank like a stone last week, the Niners still have issues covering tight ends. To infinity and beyond!

4. C.J. Uzomah (The Phantom) – The Phantom is my dad’s favorite superhero. He does his good deeds in the jungles of Bangalia. Uzomah will miss the comforts of his own jungle in Cincy but look for about 5 receptions for 50 yards.

Next week: The season recap! Share your creative Fantasy team names on my Twitter feed @fantasybillboa7and get a shout out in the Daily News! The winners this week are All Barkley, No Bite (Monmouth Beach, NJ) My Kupp Runneth Over (Batavia, NY) and Bend It Like Beckham Jr. (Fanwood, NJ).